363 days, 15 hours, 19 minutes, 30 seconds

She never turned on her computer. Her camera never made it out of her pocketbook. But at least he thought to snap this,the ramp of the van coming right on the porch. He showed it to her last night, along with photos of Italy and his grandsons at Disney World.

364 days, 4 hours, 31 minutes, 43.6 seconds

CAIRO, Egypt (AP) - It's been a chilly welcome for America's president: The Mideast, known for blazing sun and scorching winds, has been hit with an uncharacteristic wave of heavy rain, frigid gales, and even a smattering of snow. If President George W. Bush thought he would escape the winter weather back in Washington when he jetted off to this region for eight days, he should have stayed home. It was nearly the same temperature in Washington on Tuesday as it was in Saudi Arabia.

364 days, 4 hours, 52 minutes, 19 seconds

The furniture’s cold. The storage room’s cold. They won’t let her near it.

The truck spent the night on the street last night. This morning they drove down, unloaded, then went back to unpack and set up the shelving. They couldn’t believe how cold it had suddenly gotten. Instead of the heat from the storage room spreading out, the cold from all those boxes took over. It will be a few days before she sees the work they’ve done.

364 days, 5 hours, 10 minutes, 38 seconds

All weekend she’s felt colder than she’s ever been, brought to tears crossing the street, despite the layers. And she wonders if this is what death feels like, all the warmth seeping out of the body.

364 days, 11 hours, 55 minutes, 6 seconds

From now on, only handicap bathrooms. On the Atlantic City Boardwalk they had bathroom stalls that were little more than port-o-sans, but then they always had one or two regular stalls, kept reasonably clean. These you had to pay a dime for. Unless someone was coming out and holding the door for you. Unless there was a child around who could crawl under and unlock the door. Maybe she crawled once or twice, maybe she never crawled. But she remembers being on the floor like that.

369 days, 20 hours, 41 minutes, 12 seconds

Walls are her friends.

369 days, 20 hours, 45 minutes, 8 seconds

There are always Orthodox scattered around these doctors’ waiting rooms. A woman in a very synthetic sloppy wig placed askew on head chats on a cell phone. Another woman comes in with a wool cap on, sits down, pulls out a mirror, and spends five minutes arranging dirty bangs with her fingers.

369 days, 22 hours, 2 minutes, 4 seconds

He kept his arm around her.

369 days, 22 hours, 14 minutes, 59 seconds

They stopped for ice cream (her body desperate for sugar once again; it’s been this way since chemo). The flavors weren’t written down and she was having trouble understanding what the guy was saying, so she just ordered from the first tub: raisin. He hates raisins.

369 days, 22 hours, 10 minutes, 15 seconds

She bought another five hats today, taking a cab to John St. after two doctor’s appointments. God knows what was going through her head. Besides exhaustion.Not quite the final half price markdowns, but there’s a 30% off after Christmas sale, with some really good hats left. She doesn’t want to be greedy, just covered.

371 days, 23 hours, 37 minutes, 52 seconds

Because he’s hiding!

369 days, 22 hours, 48 minutes, 49.6 seconds

According to the calendar: on this day in 2005, Bush was asked why Osama bin Laden hat had not yet been apprehended.

Because he’s hiding

371 days, 23 hours, 37 minutes, 52 seconds

The Bye-Bye Bush calendar reminds her that on this date (Jan. 14) in 2002 President Bush showed up for a press conference with a purple bruise on his cheek and a red scrape on his lower lip. He swept aside rumors that he’d literally fallen off the wagon, saying he choked on a pretzel. She’d forgotten those tales of the future president stumbling and falling, and getting up and
then quickly falling again and maybe hitting his head and briefly passing out. As if she’d ever cared. It had nothing to do with her.

376 days, 3 hours, 57 minutes, 36 seconds

It was during the first few months they were together. They drove out to Long Island, to a place that offered hang glider rides. Up above the clouds. Sun coming straight through that plastic. She barely staved off nausea. He asked the pilot what stunts he could do.

376 days, 5 hours, 13 minutes, 30 seconds

Everything grows better in a greenhouse, that protected environment. She takes a plant home and it’s dead within a day or two. She comes home, her balance certain, and… Don’t say it. Don’t even think it. Besides, all that glass and plastic closing in on her makes her faint. Faint means losing balance. So there’s no way out for her.

She breaks wind.

Germans, she reads, have developed a way to harness methane emissions from cattle. Cut down on the greenhouse effect, help fend off global warming. Increases the cow’s metabolism as well. It aids glucose production, makes the milk sweet. Now if they can just convince the cows to swallow the fist-sized pill.

She breaks more wind. Sorry.

377 days, 2 hours, 17 minutes, 18.5 seconds

11 steps. If you count the landing it’s a 12-step program.

379 days, 0 hours, 37 minutes, 28 seconds

I miss my parents, her mother-in-law said in a barely-audible whisper the night before she died. And she thought what a beautiful sentiment, knowing she’d see them soon. But her father-in-law, who could barely hear, heard I messed my pants. You hear what you need to hear. Depends.

377 days, 9 hours, 36 minutes, 24 seconds

Primary Day in New Hampshire. She wishes she could run.

379 days, 7 hours, 4 minutes, 38 seconds

She’s slipping on ice. But there is no ice.

380 days, 7 hours, 42 minutes, 31 seconds

So thank you for reminding me about the importance of being a good mom and a great volunteer as well. – President Bush in St Louis, January 5, 2004

The Bye-Bye Bush calendar gives this quote a whole weekend. She bought this calendar months ago, has been waiting for the quotes to start, then almost missed it. Her first weekend home. With all the boxes it’s as small as that private room she was moved to when her first and best roommate was having a bone marrow transplant. The canes are too high for her and have to be sawed off. She wonders if they saw through bone to reach the marrow. Her roommate’s 17th day on continuous chemo. She doesn’t want to live like this.

The woman’s family gathers around her.

A good mom? Best of all, Bush would stay home with his daughters. He’d watch over their mumps and their viruses. He’d learn to dress wounds and make a wonderful nursemaid. He’d make sure both girls got flu shots before the vaccine ran out. He’d bake healthy carrot-cake and banana nut muffins for them to take to school on their birthday, and he’d include a few extra, in case there was someone new in the class, or one kid dropped his. No child left behind. A boy might even throw one at another boy, in which case he’d kneel down at the boy’s desk and explain that throwing things can dangerous, and some things explode in mid-air. He’d volunteer more muffins for the bake sales. And he’d become the leader of a cub scout troop. You have to start somewhere, he’d remind all the boys in uniform.